My deck of cards

My deck of cards - week 27

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 18:31:00 +0000

My deck of cards - week 26

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 13:18:00 +0000

My deck of cards - week 25

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 10:51:00 +0000

Red days make me angry. The period only reminds me of all my losses and the fact that my body is not working as I'd like it to...

The statue of the child is one of Vigeland's famous art work. You can see it in Vigelandsparken (The park of Vigeland) in Oslo. It's called "Sinnataggen" (means hot-blooded)...

My deck of cards - week 24

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 21:26:00 +0000

I have a really bad habit. Or - hopefully I soon can say 'had'... I'll try to explain for you.

I'm that kind of person who always think that in order to feel worthy, I first have to DO something that is worthy. A wise friend of mine had an excellent theory about this:

There are two different kind of 'values':
1. The value of your 'doings' and
2. The value of you being

I'm that kind of person who 'measures' myself based on the first kind of values. On what I'm good at doing - or mostly on what I'm NOT good at... Bad habit.

The last week I haven't done anything at all! Both body and mind screamed for a rest. So did the weather (+30 celcius is quite unusual in icebearswalkinginthestreetsNorway, you know...!) And, according to my standard way of thinking, this means that I've been totally worthless this week. Without a long list of well-done-escapades I don't deserve just laying in the sun reading wonderful Paolo Coehlo books!

But - the more I tried to do something worth talking about, the stronger my body and mind protested! And for two whole days I did fight. Bad habit.

Until an other wise friend of mine helped me find a new focus. Suddenly I found myself lying in the sun - smiling! Enjoying! And - as usual - thinking. Trying to use my awareness in order to find out what caused the change. And I found that instead of keep telling myself what a lazy, uneffective and therefor unworthy person I am, I managed to focus on just being. Analyzing myself; "I'm lying in the sun. I have no energy. I'm tired. I'm reading. I'm warm... ", and I had no problem finding good explanations either: "I'm lying in the sun because it's way too hot in my office! I have no energy because I've been working too hard for too long. I'm tired because my head is too full of worries and thoughts and keeps me awake all night...."etc.... Then I started focusing on the surroundings; the bright and warm sun, the clear blue sky, the singing birds, the entertaining book, the cold and cooling ice water...

And I concluded: Actually I'm worth the sunshine and the slow motion days! I'm laying in the sun, relaxing and reading wonderful Paolo Coehlo books simply because I deserve it!

I deserve happiness - I'm worth it! Not because of my doings, but simply because of me being myself.

(Okey, a part of me is moaning in deep embarrassment while writing these 'hallelujah' conclusions... 'because I'm worth it!' Blah! Hard to believe and even harder to say out loud. Feels like I'm bragging... but, a small part of me actually believes that I'm worthy some happiness - not based on my doings. And I like the thought. Makes me wanna smile. So, I'll make another and not so distinct conclusion: I like the feeling of happiness, and I do deserve a piece of it from time to time!)

My deck of cards - week 23

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 14:36:00 +0000

I'd like to learn how to enjoy a trip with the roller coaster! I don't know how many times I've been watching these big and scary things - with big and scared eyes! They are so huge! And yet so fragile! With enormous ups and downs. And some of them even have 'wheels' that leaves you hanging up side down for some seconds! I can feel my stomach turn a somersault right now - only by the thought of it! I'm the kind of girl that gets dizzy if I turn my head around a little too fast... And still I'd love to love a trip with the roller coaster!

A part of me loves the straight and endless highways. The ones with no ups or downs, no curves and no unexpected turns. These roads make life simple. I'm in complete control, knowing exactly what to expect for the next hundred miles. I can turn on the cruise control and just relax...

...and die of boredom!

So, another part of me long for action! Striving for the spectacular view from the high tops. Aching for the intoxicating feelings that fill my body while standing on top of the world!

But, in order to get there, the ups are necessary. And without the downs there would be no new coming highs.

Yeh, a part of me would like to remain the quiet and safe girl who stands with both feet on ground, staring at the big roller coaster from a safe distance. Another part of me is dying to bury the fear deep down in Sahara, throw the need of control in the Black Sea and enter the first wagon in the roller coaster with a huge smile on my face, knowing that I've decided to LIVE, LOVE and ENJOY!

That's what I'd like to learn: to LIVE, LOVE and ENJOY life! Both the ups, the tops and the downs. Freakin' scary, but oh, so exciting!

Deck of cards - week 22

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Mon, 28 May 2007 20:06:00 +0000

My strenghts?

Hmmm... If you had asked me a couple of years ago I'd probably meet your question with a frenetic head-shaking gesture and a unsure laughter while blushing from head to toe having no idea what to answer!

But, I've changed. Or developed. Or grown. Call it whatever you want. My point is that today I have an answer to your question. The frenetic shaking is gone, the laughter is replaced with a smile and I'm no longer blushing (just gaining nice and fresh roses on my cheek *lol* ). And I'm proud to tell you that yes, I do have strenghts. I have skills that I'm proud of. And I still have qualities I aspire to. I have reasons to be proud of who I am, and reasons for still trying to develop and grow.

I've used my hands as symbols of my strength. Earlier I used to look at my hands with shame and embarrassment. They where chubby and clumsy and far from elegant. I used to keep my hands in my pocket or clenched hard together. Today my hands are still chubby, but I've learned that at least they're not at all clumsy. In fact they manage to do so many different things! I can use them for creating art, for exploring life, for holding hands, touching, show love...

I used to look at myself with shame and embarrassment, but I have changed. Nope. The way I see myself has changed! Today I dare to let my strenght shine.

Deck of cards - week 21

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Mon, 21 May 2007 08:26:00 +0000

The word "change" reminds me of my favorite symbol: the Butterfly. Without the changes in life, life would be uncompleted.

I've made a card with a picture of me as a kid, together with a big tool box. During the last 3 years I've gone through a lot of changes, and when I look back, I see that there are some necessary tools that make changes possible. So, I filled my tool box with these tools, as a remainder to myself. I wanted to use this photo to illustrate that I'm not necessarily changing to a different person. I think that all the changes I've made, is a part of me becoming more of the person I was meant to be.

So, thanks, Em - loved this prompt, needed this prompt!

Deck of cards - week 20

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Fri, 18 May 2007 17:53:00 +0000

Deck of cards - week 19

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Fri, 18 May 2007 17:52:00 +0000

Deck of cards - week 18

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Fri, 18 May 2007 17:51:00 +0000

Deck of cards - week 17

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Fri, 18 May 2007 17:49:00 +0000

Deck of cards - week 16

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 16:44:00 +0000

When I read the prompt for this week, I was actually quite happy that my days we're so full that there probably would be no time for making this card... "My parents"... The theme is way too complicated to compress into one tiny little card! I could though use a picture of me and my parents - as a happy family, but times have changed. Things have happened. And it all became more complicated.

So, that's what's on my card for this week. Parents = complicated stuff...

Deck of cards - week 15

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 19:00:00 +0000

Deck of cards - week 14

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 17:18:00 +0000

Thanks for a perfect prompt, Em! Right on spot! I have lived the last couple of days 'in my head', together with all my thoughts... :) Ruminating on how to find the right way to write my story. How to find the right words? How to express my feelings? Or as Aristotle would say it: How to both touch, please and instruct - all at once?

Yeh, I clearly see that the upcoming easter holiday will do me good ;-) I need a break from all the thinking... Need spending some time with good friends and family. Yeh, nice! :)

Wish you all a happy Easter!

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 11:34:00 +0000

I don't know why it's so hard to have confidence in me, in my talents... Perhaps these words of Nelson Mandela are true:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

My deck of cards - week 12

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 17:17:00 +0000

Finally I got some time to create :) This prompt was a tricky one. I have a typical Norwegian name, starting with the Norwegian letter Å... I've been snooping in your blogs and seen that some of you have used your initial to find words - starting with the same letter - to describe yourselves. That's almost unpossible for me...

So I've made a collage, using pictures of me as a kid, together with some describing words... :)

And I just have to tell you about one of my 'nightmares'... My name is Åshild Ruud. Imagine me traveling, waiting on one of the big American airports. I fall asleep, and wake up hearing my 'name' being shouted out over the calling: Could Rude Asshole please go to the gate immediately! Yeh, that's me... Asshole Rude :)

And for those of you who'd like to pronounce my name correctly, - Say it like this:

Osil Rude ;) Then I'm just rude, not an asshole...

Deck of cards - week 11

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 10:39:00 +0000

I don't know why it's so much easier to make choices in life based on practical reasons than on my 'inner voice' or intuition... Even when my inner voice is shouting out loud, I either pretend not to hear it, or I try to bury it because it makes me feel stupid... Relying on my hearts voice - I guess I don't feel secure enough to believe in my own feelings.

So, my note to myself is to try to learn the language of my heart. I know that when I'm able to understand the words my heart speaks, I'll make better choices...

(I've been playing with metal sheet and StazOn. I wrote the text by hand - seen in reverse, then colored the sheet with ink. To make the text readable, I used sandpaper to peal of the ink from the letters.)

Deck of cards - week 10

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 11:30:00 +0000

The last couple of weeks I haven't been able to create because of the flu, and that makes me kind of desperate! So, lying on the sofa, I started thinking: What inspires me? And the list got longer and longer... :) But in the end it all came down to one single source: My heart. It's only when I create with my heart I manage to really create. All the things on my inspiration list all have one thing in common: They somehow touch my heart.

(The card is made with my new StazOn Ink pads - in the most beautiful and bright colours! Love them!)

Deck of cards - week 9

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 13:11:00 +0000

This week I've made a card in the colors that suits my mood... gray, gray and gray... I so hate to have no energy! I have no time for the flu!

Heeey! Give me some new and fresh batteries!

(Sorry, I'm whimpering like a man...! Next week I promise I'll do a happy-happy card!)

Deck of cards - week 8

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 14:57:00 +0000

This week's prompt was about shoes. I had a 'shoe maniac'-period some years ago, but instead of writing about my shoe shopping, I'd like to share a tiny story with you.

The baby shoes on the picture are the shoes I used when I was a baby, and also the shoes I used when taking my first steps. As you can see, they're well used :)

My mum has kept the shoes all these years, but last year I got them back. After years of trying, I finally got pregnant and my old baby shoes were a gift to me and the baby to come. So cute, and I loved the gift! I was really longing for trying the tiny baby shoe on my baby's tiny baby foot.

Unfortunately, I lost my 'baby to come' after only a few weeks.

So, these shoes symbolizes so much: memories, my first steps, motherhood, hopes and sorrows, dreams and longings, past and future.

Deck of cards - week 7

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 12:32:00 +0000

This week's prompt suited me so well! Not only because of the theme, but also because of the possibility to play with the shades of red. For some reason I rarely use red... So, I've played, smiled, created - all in red! Love it :)

Thanks, Em! You do know I love your challenge? :)

Wish you all a lovely week - filled with love and the color of red.

Deck of cards - week 6

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 12:05:00 +0000

This prompt was a tough one! I've spent the last week inside my head - among all my thoughs, questions and choises. My head surely is full, almost crowded, but ephemeras - bits of paper, pieces of memories or things that I've done this week? Nope. Nothing.

The only ephemera I could find, was a crunched list of my pro's and against's (I have to make a decision about my Master Degree - whether to continue or to quit). I still don't know what to choose, and the card reflects my 'chaos'... And my chaos is not pretty, so I couldn't make the card look pretty either... :)

(The texts are in norwegians, so I'll try to translate it:

"Skal" - shall
"Skal ikke" - shall not
"Hva synes familien om det?" - what do your family feel about it?
"Så ombestemte hun seg. - Then she changed her mind.
- Følte du deg litt dum da? - Did that make you feel a bit stupid?
- Jeg følte at jeg mista all troverdighet." - I felt that I lost all my credibility.
"Er det det morsomste du vet" - Is this the funnies things you do?
"Hva gjør jeg?" - What shall I do?

Hopefully this was understandable... I really do need to practice my English...!)

Deck of cards - week 5

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 12:04:00 +0000

And here comes this week's card. I've made a colorful background using alcoholic ink on glossy paper. Love that ink! :)

A butterfly is maybe not a typical symbol, but to me the butterfly has a symbolic effect, and I use the butterfly a lot when I create.

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. ~Rabindranath Tagore

May the wings of the butterfly kiss the sun
And find your shoulder to light on,
To bring you luck, happiness and riches
Today, tomorrow and beyond.
~Irish Blessing

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. ~Richard Bach

But these are flowers that fly and all but sing:
And now from having ridden out desire
They lie closed over in the wind and cling
Where wheels have freshly sliced the April mire.
~Robert Frost, "Blue-Butterfly Day"

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly. ~Richard Buckminster Fuller

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower." ~Hans Christian Anderson

Love is like a butterfly: It goes where it pleases and it pleases wherever it goes. ~Author Unknown

I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free. ~Charles Dickens

Deck of cards - week 4

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 12:02:00 +0000

Finally - I got some time to make my third card for Em's challenge. I really do love creating these cards. It makes me think, wonder, look and listen - and play and create! Thanks, Em!

Deck of cards - week 3

noreply@blogger.com (Åshild) — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 12:00:00 +0000

Her er mitt ukesbidrag til Emily's utfordring. Jeg koser meg med disse små kortene!

Here's my second card :) I really enjoy participating in this challenge! Thanks, Emily!